6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
