Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
