Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
