It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm passing your future prison.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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