I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize