We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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