I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
