Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
