I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
