tell your sister to shave her snatch
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
