Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
