$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
