i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
