and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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