i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
