he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
