She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
