OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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