I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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