It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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