I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
