Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the day after is always just damage control
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
