Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize