i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
