My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
