Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
