'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
