how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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