Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
