you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
