i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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