Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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