Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
