I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
