Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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