Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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