The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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