she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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