I just cut my nipple shaving
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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