that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize