I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
