I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
birth control should be required to get into college
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
