My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
