At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
