If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
