Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
