Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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