she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
