Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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