if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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