You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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