I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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