i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
