I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
