every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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