Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
