I'll bet she douches with gravy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
