any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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