Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we're so committed to being not committed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
