I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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