Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
