so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am one with the molecules
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
