everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize