Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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