you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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