Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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