I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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