I could make wine with my vomit
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
