she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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