Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
