I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize