My hand turned me down
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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