your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
