I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
