smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
