I bet he comes in French.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
