she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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