We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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