chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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