Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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