Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
being pregnant is like rehab
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
