I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
