i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
from now on my penis is your penis
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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