We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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