I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
