We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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