We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
