I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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