I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
