dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
