today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
