just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
