i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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