a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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