Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
