Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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